What do you get when you put a six month old cat and a Christmas tree in the same room? A Battle of Wills (cat) vs. Strength (tree).
Day 1: I assemble the Christmas tree with full and complete knowledge of the forthcoming battle. I have not been lulled into believing that this same Lizzy, who has destroyed a pair of dress pants, a bathroom towel, two glass candle holders, the cover of a book, and several pairs of socks, has magically reformed overnight. However, I will not be held in Scrooge-like, tree-less captivity to a mere cat. I seek to strengthen my position by screaming like a mad-woman every time she approaches the tree. Alas, my efforts go unrewarded, and the day ends with Lizzy dangling from the tree by a ribbon, looking down unconcernedly at a broken ornament on the floor. I scold Lizzy and she looks at me, all “Hello. Ribbon. Cat. What do you expect?” Lizzy: 1. Tree: 0.
Day 2: I come home from work to find two ornaments lying on the ground, one directly beneath the tree and one across the room. They are both intact and unharmed. Lizzy: 1. Tree: 1. Lizzy’s response to her foiled efforts at tree destruction:
Day 1: I assemble the Christmas tree with full and complete knowledge of the forthcoming battle. I have not been lulled into believing that this same Lizzy, who has destroyed a pair of dress pants, a bathroom towel, two glass candle holders, the cover of a book, and several pairs of socks, has magically reformed overnight. However, I will not be held in Scrooge-like, tree-less captivity to a mere cat. I seek to strengthen my position by screaming like a mad-woman every time she approaches the tree. Alas, my efforts go unrewarded, and the day ends with Lizzy dangling from the tree by a ribbon, looking down unconcernedly at a broken ornament on the floor. I scold Lizzy and she looks at me, all “Hello. Ribbon. Cat. What do you expect?” Lizzy: 1. Tree: 0.
Day 2: I come home from work to find two ornaments lying on the ground, one directly beneath the tree and one across the room. They are both intact and unharmed. Lizzy: 1. Tree: 1. Lizzy’s response to her foiled efforts at tree destruction:
Day 3: I wake up and immediately head to the living room with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. The night before, Lizzy had become more brazen in her attacks (having the audacity to assault the tree while I was still in the room), and I half-expect to find the entire thing on the ground. As it is, two branches have been pulled out of their sockets and a string of lights hangs limply in empty air. The tree skirt no longer performs the function for which it was intended (namely, encircling the tree), but instead huddles in the corner, a lump of maroon and gold disappointment. Lizzy: 2. Tree: 1. Lizzy’s reaction to my disapproval:
Day 4: I wake up. All is quiet and still. A peace has settled over the apartment. I go into the living room to find the tree standing tall, no ornaments on the floor, all lights in place, all branches attached. Lizzy is looking at the tree with a sort of resignation in her eyes. A tacit truce has been called, with the score tied at 2 to 2.
We’ll see how long that lasts…
We’ll see how long that lasts…
1 comment:
You need to show Lizzy "Christmas Vacation" especially the scene where the cat is chewing on the cord for the lights.
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